Jul 19, 2011

Come on baby light my fire...

In a lot of ways, I feel like being a single parent has made me a better parent.

That's kind of a bold statement, but it's true. Having to be completely responsible for my daughter, my home, my finances, my world in general...I have had to step it up. I was never the type of person who liked to take out the trash, or do the dishes for that matter. But, obviously I have to do those things. And, there is something really awesome about the fact that I feel like I am more organized and more put together than I was before. I've had to plan my day out, plan my studying schedule, plan my meals out a bit more.

The one area that I love the most is that because I don't have anyone else to count on to do it, we have had a better overall routine with Redheaded Rosie. Bed time is very routine now, we are doing better about 'little' things like brushing teeth, washing faces etc.

We are also eating NIGHT AND DAY better. We used to eat a lot of crap to be brutally honest. And wasted a lot of money. The nice thing about this is that I have dropped some weight, I feel better, and I am working on me. Which is something I haven't done for a long time. I am doing a bit of a juice fast. Which in all reality is just juicing a lot, and eating as cleanly and close to pure as I can with a lot of fruits and vegetables and some nuts here and there. But, for the next 2 weeks, most of my calories are coming from green juice. Autumn has been an amazing little champ - helping me juice and drinking it herself to, which makes me feel great.

BUT.......but. Damn it there has to be a but....

I don't know. I seem to have a shorter fuse. I seem to have a less patience for the normal everyday things that the Redhead does as well. Normal, adorable chattering that should be something of every parents fondest memories, is annoying. I feel like an awful Mother for saying all of this. We have a lot more time together than we have ever had before, and for whatever reason my patient is just not there. I feel like I have fire in my eyes sometimes.

My daughter is a treasure. And my time with her is also a gift. So, why can't I shake the irritation, the flying into rage, the absolute annoyance at her normal everyday kindergartener behavior? We are seriously butting heads right now. Everything is followed with a 'why?' right now. And I am not the kind of person who deals well with being questioned, which I absolutely hate about myself.

I am hoping, that just by having this realization, maybe I can become more aware of it. I need to take a deep breath, and just love my daughter for who she is. And remember that she is at a place of learning and growing and expanding. So, why should I expect her to be a mind reader, or to be satisfied with a 'because I said so' mentality?

I am going to work on it. One day at a time, eh?

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