Braised Cucumbers are indeed - a Revelation!

So, one of my favorite movies is Julie and Julia. The story of both women spoke to me in different ways. Meryl Streep's performance was brilliant. Amy Adams was also marvelous, although I have to admit that while I both connect with her character and think she did a great job, I found her character to be a wee bit self-centered even when she wasn't supposed to be anymore. But, it's a minor issue.

At one point, during a dinner party that Julie was throwing, she holds up a fork and says "Braised cucumbers are a revelation." The idea of cucumbers.....braised....huh. That's an odd idea. So, I went about Googling the recipe (because I still don't actually own a copy of the cookbook!).  I found several different sources that all had the same recipe listed, stating that it was straight from the cookbook. So, I saddled up to the stove, recipe in hand, and faced down the locally grown cucumbers I had gotten from The Berry Patch in Nevada, IA.

Braised Cucumbers

1 huge cucumber (or 2 regular sized)
1 tablespoon butter
1 dash salt
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 pinch dried mint

Put skillet on burner to preheat at medium.
Peel cucumber. Cut into quarters and remove seeds. Cut into 1 inch pieces.
Melt butter in a pan and add cucumber. Cover and cook about 8 minutes on medium heat.
Stir in salt, lemon, and mint. Cover and cook another 3 minutes.

I was oddly nervous about dropping cut up cucumber into melted butter in a skillet. It just felt....wrong. But it was so right. And delicious. I might go so far as to say sumptuous. 

I would say, next time, I will cook them a bit longer. They got to the translucent stage, but never really hit browned on the edges, which I should have waited for. It's kinda hard to describe the taste - sort of like delicious, buttery pickles, but without the sour taste. Almost like a banana taste. I will make them again. Oh yes.

I feel so....boring!

My entire life could be summed up in about 3 sentences right now. I studied today. I miss my kid when she's gone and am crazy about her when she's here. I am stressed out. Yup, those 3 will do.

There is another thing though....and I do this every single time I am halfway or most of the way through something....nursing school sucks. Of course I will finish it. Of course I will keep on truckin'. But I feel like I am being dragged kicking and screaming through the entire program. And, at first I thought it was just nursing school in general, but the more I talk to other nurses, and other people in different schools, and people that graduated from different schools, the more I realize. Mercy College is kind of an awful program.

The thing that bothers me the most is that I was actually told, by several different instructors and advisors, that the only people that tend to do well in the program are the people that also have the ability to work as a Patient Care Tech at the hospital. Hmm. So, in order for me to pass your program and feel comfortable or even remotely knowledgeable during clinical, I have to get a job and basically put in more hours there? And yet, we are counseled heavily upon admission that we shouldn't have any kind of job. So....if I have to get information and skills outside of the program, does that mean that your program isn't adequate? Because that's what it says to me.

The other thing that sorta kills me is that you are absolutely supposed to take THIS exact class during THIS exact term. Well, that's awesome.....until the only two sections that are being offered overlap with the nursing classes that you have to take. Um, guys? Are people talking to each other?

Due to the Catholic nature of this college, there are a lot of topics that are just glossed over too. Primarily anything that has to do with sex, birth control, or other cultures/religions. Well, ya know what? Even if it is a Catholic college stemming from a Catholic hospital, there are things we will encounter regardless of whether or not there is a giant cross on the side of the building.

So, I'm not bored with the material. I'm not bored with being in school. I'm pissed that I choose a horrible program. HORRIBLE. So, what now? I'm actually nervous that I am going to leave this program as a bad nurse. I suppose I will just have to suck it up, and find other sources to fill in the gaps. I'm just....not sure how to do that. If anyone has any ideas, I am open to suggestions.

Come on baby light my fire...

In a lot of ways, I feel like being a single parent has made me a better parent.

That's kind of a bold statement, but it's true. Having to be completely responsible for my daughter, my home, my finances, my world in general...I have had to step it up. I was never the type of person who liked to take out the trash, or do the dishes for that matter. But, obviously I have to do those things. And, there is something really awesome about the fact that I feel like I am more organized and more put together than I was before. I've had to plan my day out, plan my studying schedule, plan my meals out a bit more.

The one area that I love the most is that because I don't have anyone else to count on to do it, we have had a better overall routine with Redheaded Rosie. Bed time is very routine now, we are doing better about 'little' things like brushing teeth, washing faces etc.

We are also eating NIGHT AND DAY better. We used to eat a lot of crap to be brutally honest. And wasted a lot of money. The nice thing about this is that I have dropped some weight, I feel better, and I am working on me. Which is something I haven't done for a long time. I am doing a bit of a juice fast. Which in all reality is just juicing a lot, and eating as cleanly and close to pure as I can with a lot of fruits and vegetables and some nuts here and there. But, for the next 2 weeks, most of my calories are coming from green juice. Autumn has been an amazing little champ - helping me juice and drinking it herself to, which makes me feel great.

BUT.......but. Damn it there has to be a but....

I don't know. I seem to have a shorter fuse. I seem to have a less patience for the normal everyday things that the Redhead does as well. Normal, adorable chattering that should be something of every parents fondest memories, is annoying. I feel like an awful Mother for saying all of this. We have a lot more time together than we have ever had before, and for whatever reason my patient is just not there. I feel like I have fire in my eyes sometimes.

My daughter is a treasure. And my time with her is also a gift. So, why can't I shake the irritation, the flying into rage, the absolute annoyance at her normal everyday kindergartener behavior? We are seriously butting heads right now. Everything is followed with a 'why?' right now. And I am not the kind of person who deals well with being questioned, which I absolutely hate about myself.

I am hoping, that just by having this realization, maybe I can become more aware of it. I need to take a deep breath, and just love my daughter for who she is. And remember that she is at a place of learning and growing and expanding. So, why should I expect her to be a mind reader, or to be satisfied with a 'because I said so' mentality?

I am going to work on it. One day at a time, eh?

30 Days - What would my episode be?

I've been watching a few episodes of 30 Days. If you don't know about it, this is a show on the FX network (I think it ran for 3 seasons or so) by Morgan Spurlock, the man who made the documentary Supersize Me. Good stuff. I liked the documentary, it was an interesting and somewhat lighthearted look at just how awful processed and fast food is for us.

He went on to create this show. The premise of this show is to put someone with a very firmly held view on a controversial topic in a home/environment with the person who thinks completely opposite from them for a period of 30 days.

Some of the episodes I have watched (streaming on Netflix) -

Prolife
Gun Control
New Age
30 Days in a Wheelchair
30 Days in Jail
30 Days at Minimum Wage
Immigrants

And there are several more. I think the hardest one for me to watch was the episode on Gay couples have children (see below, aren't they ADORABLE????). They moved in a Mormon woman who had VERY strong views on gay and lesbian couples. She felt that their lifestyle was horrifically wrong. She felt that them having children was a horrible abomination. And over the course of the 30 days, she never opened up, never had a DISCUSSION. It was always a fight, with her being very defensive and close minded. It was hard to watch. The two men that she lived with for the 30 days were still in contact with several of the kids they had adopted. They adopted children through the foster care system. And....while some had reservations, they all ended up loving these two men and being grateful that they had adopted their children.

So I was wondering, what would my 30 Day Experience be? What issue do I feel so strongly about that I would have to go and attempt to have my mind open for 30 days? I'm just not sure. Honestly doing the inverse of above might be a good challenge. A very super conservative christian household? Pro-life maybe? I don't know. I just don't know about what would bring me to tears, or cause me to say or do things that I might not want to show the world. Some of these people that are put into these episodes just....embarrass themselves.

So, I'm not sure. I just don't know what my 'episode' would be. How about you?

Co-Housing....can I move in?

Wow.

WOW! I went to a discussion/meeting tonight regarding Co-Housing, and the pending potential Co-Housing development at Turtle Farm. I have never been so drawn to something. It was just SO appealing. The presentation was by the man that wrote this book - Creating Co-Housing.

I am hoping to continue to learn more. This sounds like a promising project. I will admit, though, that the communities all looked very....shiny and new. And stick built. And I am a little bit more interested in Green Building techniques, such as cob, strawbale, etc. But, basically everything else resonated with me so strongly that I am going to stay on top of what they are doing over there.

Blossom

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. 

-Anais Nin

It's a funny thing, self esteem. What do we really base those estimations on? Standing in front of a mirror, the voices in your head, the things that other people say...what is it that we implement into our arsenal against ourselves? I think that for me, the absolute best thing that we can do for ourselves is to shut all of those off, but most women don't, or worse yet, can't. 

The quote that I put at the top of my blog post is one of my absolute favorites. There was always something kind of haunting about that quote to me. What makes a person go from being closed off and in the dark little space in our heads, to deciding that we are worth much more than our own stifled thoughts about ourselves? To explode into the beautiful thing that we all are, is something noble indeed. 

 

50 Questions.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I was named after my Great Grandmother. Cool lady from what I can tell!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
This afternoon. But it was because of something sad that happened on a tv show, so I suppose that is sorta silly ;)

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Nope. But it gets me by.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Blech. I am not a big fan of lunch meat. If I have to pick one, turkey.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
One beautiful, wonderful daughter.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I don't know. I can be an......intense person, from what I have been told. And I know that I get depressed, and when I do I tend to lock myself up and forget about my friends needs. On the other hand, I am fiercely loyal to my friends. And I would do anything for my very close friends. I tend to have a very small number of close friends, and a large number of acquaintances. 

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT?
Pft, no. I would NEVER be sarcastic....

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes, but I probably shouldn't. I get strep throat ALL.THE.FREAKING.TIME.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
No. Never. Absolutely not.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I like Grape Nuts, frosted cheerios, raisin bran.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Not normally

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Physically....not so much. Emotionally, definitely not.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Mint Chocolate Chip, or Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Or both. Together.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their eyes. The tone of their voice. Their posture. The way they smell.

15. RED OR PINK?
.....least favorite colors, but I would probably choose pink.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
Probably my depressive nature. And that I am pretty neurotic. I mean really neurotic. Well, maybe only a little bit neurotic. What? I'm not neurotic. Shit.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Koleen from Seattle. She was my best friend there. 

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Just the pretty red polish on my toes ;)

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A bowl full of raspberries. I would have preferred a chocolate chip cookie dough blizzard with extra cookie dough.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Adele. Like basically all the time. But right now, that's what is playing

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Hmmmm. Interesting. I'm not sure. Probably a medium to dark teal or aqua.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Roses. The top of my child's head. Cookies baking. The beach. Stargazer Lilies. Chocolate. Limes. The early morning air.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My Mom. She made me feel so much better, and I don't know what I would do without her. Especially during this whole ordeal. She has a gentle way of telling me I am being an idiot ;)

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
A mountain hideaway on a lake would be PERFECT. Although I do really love a beach. Water needs to be involved somehow. But, I do like the nice, cool mountain air.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Sports? Blech. I don't mind watching Baseball in person, or hockey on tv. But I would pretty much rather watch just about anything else.

27. HAIR COLOR?
Right now? Auburn with some blond highlights.

28. EYE COLOR?
Green

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
I wear glasses sometimes, no contacts. I am supposed to wear them all the time, and I don't see very clearly without them, but they press into my temples (even with ample adjustments to the frames) and I get migraines. So, I put up with the blurry a little more than I probably should.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Berries. Chocolate. Garlic Naan. Pizza. Ice cream. Salt and vinegar chips. Taco salads. Cilantro. Fresh baked bread. Homemade limeades.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings. I always get pissed with endings that don't end in the fairytale.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Uhhhhhh......movie, I think that would have been Hot Fuzz. Brilliant flick.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Black

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Well gosh if those are my choices, then winter. I like the 'transition' seasons the best. Spring and Autumn. Milder temperatures.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Kisses.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Home style desserts, like apple crisp, or homemade pies.

37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
Strength, I hate cardio. HATE IT. I would love to do kettlebells like every day of the week.

38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
uh, yes? I tend to surf while I watch.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Unfortunately, nothing fun. It's all textbooks. Microbiology, pathophysiology, nursing textbooks. It's all I have time for.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I don't have one, I don't have a mouse either.

42. FAVORITE SOUND?
My daughters laughter. Adele singing. Rain. An amazing guitar solo.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
That depends on where I was living at the time. I have only ever used my passport to go to Canada. I have been to Niagra Falls, Vancouver, BC, Jacksonville, FL, and Southern California. Been to all 4 corners of the US, but not outside of it very much.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Not really.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In a hospital in Ketchikan, Alaska.

47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
In a lovely little apartment, that's all my own, with my lovely daughter. Des Moines, IA is where I am currently calling home, but I am not sure if I will be here for the rest of my life.

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
I'm not in a house. But my apartment building is off-white.


49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
Red.

50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS?
It got a bit exhausting there towards the end.....

Sweet Air Conditioning

I love my a/c. I really do.

It's been a real scorcher around here for the last few days. I absolutely hate the heat. I could do winter all year long if I didn't have to deal with the heat. This is one of those things that I miss about the Pacific Northwest. A day that was in the 90's was like.....news worthy. But, not so much out here, that's standard summer weather. It's humid, it's hot and all I want to do is hide inside, sit on my sofa, eat fruit and watch episodes of The Voice on my computer. But I digress. ;)

Studying is becoming overwhelming, but not in a way that I can't handle. I really do like being in school, to a certain degree. I mean it's awesome learning new things and meeting new people, and carving out a new career ain't bad news either. I just wish it was a little less pressure. I mean....what happens if I hate doing this? What happens if being a nurse is NOT for me, and was just something I thought I wanted to do? I mean I doubt that. I think the big problem is that I like working with a very small (or a very large depending on how you look at it) group of patients. Women of childbearing age that aren't sick, just pregnant. Normal families with normal medical needs. I DO NOT like the hospital, that is one thing I can tell you for sure. I might like to work in a clinic or at Planned Parenthood. We'll see. I will have several options, I am sure.

So, while I sit here and study my microbiology, with all it's wonderful varying bacteria, I am thankful today for my air conditioning. Because damn it - it's hot outside. ;)