I looked at the date today and realized - in a few more days, it will be the one year anniversary of my separation. January 7th, which also unfortunately happens to be my Brother's birthday, as well as the anniversary of my Grandfather's death, is the day that my life got turned upside down.
I suppose I should be truthful about the fact that despite my obvious emotional upheaval at the time, I cannot begin to express what a blessing it has been. It was extremely hard, but honestly, it was the hard that made it great. As a newly single woman with no job, while being in the middle of a college program, fat, lonely, and depressed, I was pretty sure I wouldn't manage to survive the separation without some obvious scars. Sure, I got some. But hey - chicks dig scars.
My life is exactly where it should be. I am about to start my 4th semester at school, which means that by the end of summer this year I will be graduated. I am pretty sure the Redheaded Wonder is adjusting just fine. I have a cute little apartment. I have amazing friends that never make me feel left out, and always make me feel welcome. I have started to rekindle those 'I sure would like to try that' things. I've lost around 70lbs, and become a healthier (for the most part, LOL) person. I've got a plan. I don't have a man.....but I suppose I should stop thinking of that as a character flaw. ;-) Truth is, I often think that I am too domesticated, to be dating. I know that sounds weird.
The last few months have been particularly challenging. More issues with the ex, and two different surgeries that were completely unrelated, within one month of each other. One of them with a fairly extensive hospital stay of 6 days. I had a lot of alone time (like....a lot), at the hospital. I had a lot of thinking time, and resting time. I guess, I have a hard time being too upset about either one. They were both pretty darn necessary.
I have a few things I need to work on. But, I am not thinking of them as negatives. I could clean up my diet a bit more. I could exercise a lot more. I could study a lot more. I need to bring that fiddle out every day and at least do some scales. Less Facebook, more real books. Less fast food, more homemade foods. More singing.....like...in front of other people. Yoga. Definitely yoga. I like having goals, and writing these out doesn't make me feel like I have been doing anything wrong, but excited at all the things I could be doing right. That outlook has certainly changed from a year ago, that's for sure.
I think my parents are proud. They tell me they are, and I have no reason to not believe them. More importantly - I am proud of myself. It's been rough. I've made some mistakes. But mostly, I've been doing that whole surviving thing.
Surviving is starting to feel more like living.