I have 290 Facebook friends. I have my Facebook friends divided up into lists, so that if I want to filter whose messages to read I can. I also have a 'restricted' list for those people that I am friendly with, but perhaps don't need to see every detail of my life. I even have a very short blocked list, but that's another issue all together.
If I was to sit back, and go down that list of friends, there are less than 20 people that I would consider close friends. I am only really socially interactive with less than 20 of 290 friends that I have on Facebook. And those people, are individuals that I don't communicate solely through Facebook with. I am only tied closely to 16 people.
It's an interesting concept, this social media construction. I think my biggest problem with Facebook is that it gives me a false sense of 'family'. I have several friends whose postings I follow religiously. And comment on their postings quite often. But, if I was to take away Facebook, would we ever see each other? There are a few of them I haven't ever even met in person.
I think I utilize tools like Facebook to give myself an easy way out. If I comment enough on your stuff will it make you feel like we are friends, and forget about the fact that we haven't seen each other in over a year? Perhaps it's the now hectic lives we lead, overflowing with obligations and distractions, that has caused us to feel like a connection created in a virtual world could ever substitute for real human interaction.
Facebook has it's uses as well, for example; public figures can utilize it to stay in contact with their many supporters or fans. It's a valid platform for such a cause. In a world where we have become instantly globally connected with the boot of a modem it can serve as a fantastic free marketing tool. Announcing events, scheduling get-together's, allowing your fans to see the more human side of you as well. We like to feel connected.
But is that connection? Last year, when I had less than a day to pack my belongings and leave my house, I sat on the floor of my bathroom and cried. I sobbed like I never had. You know why? It wasn't because I had just got the most shocking news of my life, it wasn't because my world had just been turned upside down, and it wasn't because I had stubbed my toe on the bathtub. It was because in that moment I realized that I had an extremely short list of people that I felt safe enough to call. I had 4 people locally at that time that I felt like I could call for help. And none of them were family. (I will say, however, two of them truly are exactly LIKE family, even if we don't share a bloodline).
So, are we perhaps deluding ourselves into a false sense of connection? What TRULY ties us together? How well do you REALLY know the people whose Facebook pages are littered with things that you have liked, commented on, or re-shared? Do any of them know my favorite color? Do any of them know how many different states and cities I have live in? Do any of them know what my drink at a bar is, what my family is like, or that I am actually a huge nerd that thinks farts are still funny? Well, they might know that last one.
A year ago, in a cruel moment of irony, I realized I had hundreds of people that were total strangers to who I really am, and what I really feel. I am starting to feel less and less like I need hundreds of people to know what I am doing everyday, or what funny thing my kid said. I would rather share those things with people who are actually interested beyond the click of a 'Like' button. But it is a cold bucket of water when you realize how few of your Facebook friends would drop everything they had and rush over to your house at your absolute lowest moment.
I'm actually not entirely disenchanted with Facebook, even though this may come across that way. But, I am a little tired of utilizing it as a cheap fast-food version of a social experience. And, in some ways, I am tired of others proclaiming that we have such an amazing connection when they don't really know a damn thing about me. I mean, I know I post a lot, but there is nothing of true substance there. I think I can count on one hand how many times I have posted anything about my divorce, as an example.
Your social media experience is your own. And I certainly don't mean to prescribe a definition of your interactions, or the benefits or experiences you have gained because of it. And my experiences haven't been bad for the most part either. But, when you are sitting on your bathroom floor staring at a long list of people that you label as friends and you don't know any of them well enough to truly BE a friend......what are they really?
Our jam packed lives have created a need to modernize our friendships, and redefine them in a way that allows us to feel a connection. But the minute you power down that computer, or turn off that Facebook app on your cell phone, those connections become exactly what they are. Two lives joined together by a tiny string. An illusion. A bathroom floor actualization.
I hope that I can try and spend more time creating true connections, and true bonds. Which means that I am probably in for a lot of heartache. This is a world where people are used to being able to anonymously confront or friend one another from the comfort of their own home without having to carry on a conversation face to face. But I want a hug. A real one. And I want to be able to touch, and see, and smell, and experience my friendships. I want the opportunity for some of them to evolve in a way that a virtual world just won't allow. I want to have to become a brave person who is able to speak my mind directly to someone's face. I want to feel a REAL sense of longing to see someone, instead of being satisfied with words on a screen for now. And I'm pretty sure I'll get there. I just have to log out.
Jan 9, 2012
Jan 8, 2012
Long Journey to the Middle
Something has come to my attention lately - I think one of the things that has changed for me (or least is a change in progress), is I am not interested in a lack of follow through. Sounds logical, and sort of 'Well.....duh, Funkymama!'. But lately it has been bitch-slapping me in the face and I am, quite honestly, getting really saddened, and irritated, and disheartened by the whole thing.
Why are we all so afraid to get what we want? Why do we all over analyze a situation, try to play it out in our heads and guess what the outcome is? Why, for the love of everything sacred, do we not just take a risk, make a decision and actually have the stones to walk the walk when we have just been talkin' the talk?
Living a life of maybe this will happen, or being scared of that happening is EXACTLY what landed me in the position I now find myself in. It just makes me so tired. Risks are wonderful things. Bearing your soul is a noble action. Deciding that what you want is more important than how it might play out, or not caring what other people might think of you, is a goal we should all strive for. And instead, why does it feel like everyone I know, myself included, is incapable of reaching down and finding the self respect within themselves to let their gut, or their heart, or their feelings be just as involved in the decision making process as their head? It's really hard, that's why.
A false sense of logic plays into so many decisions we are faced with. It's not really logic then. It's more like......social preservation. It's a big shield we can easily hide ourselves behind when we are too scared, or too unsure, or just don't love ourselves enough to be selfish every once in a while. Ya know what? You ARE worth deciding that you deserve something other people don't think you should have because it 'isn't something people should do'.
But worse yet? Worse yet, for me, are the times when we say we want something, proclaim from whatever rooftop we can find ourselves on that we REALLY want something....when we really don't. I just wish there was more honesty in this world. Human interaction is hard enough without adding all those subtle curtains, and shades, and screens to what we say and how we say it.
Be forthcoming. Be honest. Be true to your word. Own your truths, and don't deny your desires (within reason of course). These are the signs of a truly great person. The ones that know what they want, and get it, gracefully dealing with the situations as they unfold. That right there is sexy. And that's the type of person I want to be.
I know that I have a long road to walk on becoming that person. But, I had a really great wonderful friend, lost to this world but always in my heart, give me some really wonderful advice. An email, exchanged a very long time ago, that I have forwarded to all of my different email address over the years, just to preserve it's original form. It actually has nothing to do with my experiences in this last year, but it speaks so fucking loud to me lately that I have opened and read it many times. They said:
You don't like something? Change it. You want someone to treat you better? Do something about it. Being treated unfairly? Have the self respect to speak up about it. Are you to scared to go after something you might want because of what others might think of you? Stop living your life to please other people. Living each day simply to get closer to the next one is a waste of your precious time on this earth. Worrying about social norms, others expectations of you, or a standard that was set by some small group of popular people that are part of a much larger collective that may not want the same things in life, allows for your life to become someone else's life. You don't have to answer to them. Because the people in this world who cut the new path, aren't usually the popular ones, are they? The popular people are the ones that keep the standards, that demand the cookie cutter mentality that we force ourselves into. It's the dreamers and doers that are the real heroes of this world. It's the walkers, not the talkers. I refuse to be dictated by the talkers anymore.
Surround yourself with walkers, and not talkers, and you might just become one of them. Maybe, one day, you can claim to be one yourself. It starts with that single moment of realizing that you are worth something better than what has been prescribed for you by a nameless collective. Fuck them.
I don't care what they might think, or say, or if going out for the things I want in this world doesn't end well or work out quite like I planned. Truly honest people that are worth your time and energy will move through those defeats with you. The ones lost along the way just aren't strong enough. At the end of this long and winding journey of life, you don't answer to any of those people. You answer to yourself. Don't live a life you are ashamed to answer for. And you, my friend, will become one of the few walkers. Maybe one day, I can look back and have no regrets, and I can truly identify with being a walker. I sure as hell hope so. Because if that day was tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I would still be a talker.
Why are we all so afraid to get what we want? Why do we all over analyze a situation, try to play it out in our heads and guess what the outcome is? Why, for the love of everything sacred, do we not just take a risk, make a decision and actually have the stones to walk the walk when we have just been talkin' the talk?
Living a life of maybe this will happen, or being scared of that happening is EXACTLY what landed me in the position I now find myself in. It just makes me so tired. Risks are wonderful things. Bearing your soul is a noble action. Deciding that what you want is more important than how it might play out, or not caring what other people might think of you, is a goal we should all strive for. And instead, why does it feel like everyone I know, myself included, is incapable of reaching down and finding the self respect within themselves to let their gut, or their heart, or their feelings be just as involved in the decision making process as their head? It's really hard, that's why.
A false sense of logic plays into so many decisions we are faced with. It's not really logic then. It's more like......social preservation. It's a big shield we can easily hide ourselves behind when we are too scared, or too unsure, or just don't love ourselves enough to be selfish every once in a while. Ya know what? You ARE worth deciding that you deserve something other people don't think you should have because it 'isn't something people should do'.
But worse yet? Worse yet, for me, are the times when we say we want something, proclaim from whatever rooftop we can find ourselves on that we REALLY want something....when we really don't. I just wish there was more honesty in this world. Human interaction is hard enough without adding all those subtle curtains, and shades, and screens to what we say and how we say it.
Be forthcoming. Be honest. Be true to your word. Own your truths, and don't deny your desires (within reason of course). These are the signs of a truly great person. The ones that know what they want, and get it, gracefully dealing with the situations as they unfold. That right there is sexy. And that's the type of person I want to be.
I know that I have a long road to walk on becoming that person. But, I had a really great wonderful friend, lost to this world but always in my heart, give me some really wonderful advice. An email, exchanged a very long time ago, that I have forwarded to all of my different email address over the years, just to preserve it's original form. It actually has nothing to do with my experiences in this last year, but it speaks so fucking loud to me lately that I have opened and read it many times. They said:
I know you're scared Sabbath. I know it's hard to become that person that you want to be. I know it's painful. But right now, in your fragility, decide what you want to be like when this is all over with, for that will be your purest form. Decide the person that you want this experience to mold you into. And maybe you aren't ready to become that person. But you can hold others to that standard. You can decide that you don't want to put up with anything but honesty and speaking your truth. You can decide to be brave, and walk the walk. Because by doing what I know you are about to do tomorrow, that's exactly what you are going to do. Don't accept less than that from those in your life. If you do, you have just allowed them to win, for them to walk all over you, while you become trampled and stomped by their inability to show you the same respect that you are showing them. Hold the people in your life to a standard and the ones that don't make the cut? Well, they can go to hell. But, by holding those people to a standard of how you want to be treated, it will allow you to actually believe and realize at some point - that you truly are worth that standard. You deserve to be treated with respect, and honesty, and to not simply be talked to, but walked with. No matter how scary it all might be for both of you sometimes.He is right. By deciding what you are willing to surround yourself with, you are creating an environment that will mold you into that person. If you allow people to mistreat you, mislead you, walk all over you with their own agendas, you are allowing THAT to be your reality. And I'm just not willing to allow someone's size 10 boots to kick me in the face anymore. I deserve so much more than that. And so do you.
You don't like something? Change it. You want someone to treat you better? Do something about it. Being treated unfairly? Have the self respect to speak up about it. Are you to scared to go after something you might want because of what others might think of you? Stop living your life to please other people. Living each day simply to get closer to the next one is a waste of your precious time on this earth. Worrying about social norms, others expectations of you, or a standard that was set by some small group of popular people that are part of a much larger collective that may not want the same things in life, allows for your life to become someone else's life. You don't have to answer to them. Because the people in this world who cut the new path, aren't usually the popular ones, are they? The popular people are the ones that keep the standards, that demand the cookie cutter mentality that we force ourselves into. It's the dreamers and doers that are the real heroes of this world. It's the walkers, not the talkers. I refuse to be dictated by the talkers anymore.
Surround yourself with walkers, and not talkers, and you might just become one of them. Maybe, one day, you can claim to be one yourself. It starts with that single moment of realizing that you are worth something better than what has been prescribed for you by a nameless collective. Fuck them.
I don't care what they might think, or say, or if going out for the things I want in this world doesn't end well or work out quite like I planned. Truly honest people that are worth your time and energy will move through those defeats with you. The ones lost along the way just aren't strong enough. At the end of this long and winding journey of life, you don't answer to any of those people. You answer to yourself. Don't live a life you are ashamed to answer for. And you, my friend, will become one of the few walkers. Maybe one day, I can look back and have no regrets, and I can truly identify with being a walker. I sure as hell hope so. Because if that day was tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I would still be a talker.
Jan 3, 2012
Approaching One Year
I looked at the date today and realized - in a few more days, it will be the one year anniversary of my separation. January 7th, which also unfortunately happens to be my Brother's birthday, as well as the anniversary of my Grandfather's death, is the day that my life got turned upside down.
I suppose I should be truthful about the fact that despite my obvious emotional upheaval at the time, I cannot begin to express what a blessing it has been. It was extremely hard, but honestly, it was the hard that made it great. As a newly single woman with no job, while being in the middle of a college program, fat, lonely, and depressed, I was pretty sure I wouldn't manage to survive the separation without some obvious scars. Sure, I got some. But hey - chicks dig scars.
My life is exactly where it should be. I am about to start my 4th semester at school, which means that by the end of summer this year I will be graduated. I am pretty sure the Redheaded Wonder is adjusting just fine. I have a cute little apartment. I have amazing friends that never make me feel left out, and always make me feel welcome. I have started to rekindle those 'I sure would like to try that' things. I've lost around 70lbs, and become a healthier (for the most part, LOL) person. I've got a plan. I don't have a man.....but I suppose I should stop thinking of that as a character flaw. ;-) Truth is, I often think that I am too domesticated, to be dating. I know that sounds weird.
The last few months have been particularly challenging. More issues with the ex, and two different surgeries that were completely unrelated, within one month of each other. One of them with a fairly extensive hospital stay of 6 days. I had a lot of alone time (like....a lot), at the hospital. I had a lot of thinking time, and resting time. I guess, I have a hard time being too upset about either one. They were both pretty darn necessary.
I have a few things I need to work on. But, I am not thinking of them as negatives. I could clean up my diet a bit more. I could exercise a lot more. I could study a lot more. I need to bring that fiddle out every day and at least do some scales. Less Facebook, more real books. Less fast food, more homemade foods. More singing.....like...in front of other people. Yoga. Definitely yoga. I like having goals, and writing these out doesn't make me feel like I have been doing anything wrong, but excited at all the things I could be doing right. That outlook has certainly changed from a year ago, that's for sure.
I think my parents are proud. They tell me they are, and I have no reason to not believe them. More importantly - I am proud of myself. It's been rough. I've made some mistakes. But mostly, I've been doing that whole surviving thing.
Surviving is starting to feel more like living.
I suppose I should be truthful about the fact that despite my obvious emotional upheaval at the time, I cannot begin to express what a blessing it has been. It was extremely hard, but honestly, it was the hard that made it great. As a newly single woman with no job, while being in the middle of a college program, fat, lonely, and depressed, I was pretty sure I wouldn't manage to survive the separation without some obvious scars. Sure, I got some. But hey - chicks dig scars.
My life is exactly where it should be. I am about to start my 4th semester at school, which means that by the end of summer this year I will be graduated. I am pretty sure the Redheaded Wonder is adjusting just fine. I have a cute little apartment. I have amazing friends that never make me feel left out, and always make me feel welcome. I have started to rekindle those 'I sure would like to try that' things. I've lost around 70lbs, and become a healthier (for the most part, LOL) person. I've got a plan. I don't have a man.....but I suppose I should stop thinking of that as a character flaw. ;-) Truth is, I often think that I am too domesticated, to be dating. I know that sounds weird.
The last few months have been particularly challenging. More issues with the ex, and two different surgeries that were completely unrelated, within one month of each other. One of them with a fairly extensive hospital stay of 6 days. I had a lot of alone time (like....a lot), at the hospital. I had a lot of thinking time, and resting time. I guess, I have a hard time being too upset about either one. They were both pretty darn necessary.
I have a few things I need to work on. But, I am not thinking of them as negatives. I could clean up my diet a bit more. I could exercise a lot more. I could study a lot more. I need to bring that fiddle out every day and at least do some scales. Less Facebook, more real books. Less fast food, more homemade foods. More singing.....like...in front of other people. Yoga. Definitely yoga. I like having goals, and writing these out doesn't make me feel like I have been doing anything wrong, but excited at all the things I could be doing right. That outlook has certainly changed from a year ago, that's for sure.
I think my parents are proud. They tell me they are, and I have no reason to not believe them. More importantly - I am proud of myself. It's been rough. I've made some mistakes. But mostly, I've been doing that whole surviving thing.
Surviving is starting to feel more like living.
Oct 4, 2011
Parenting Double Standards
So, last night, I accidentally stumbled onto a conversation regarding a parenting decision. I want you, right now, to think of the parenting choices you have made that you would FIGHT for. That you would tell anyone and everyone that wanted to hear about it why it was a good or a bad thing. That could be breastfeeding, co-sleeping, vaccinating on schedule or not, circumcision, putting baby in a crib from day one.....or even things for older children like nutrition....whatever. Think of one.
Let's say, I believe that every child, everywhere, should have a pony for their first birthday. And I have all kinds of important and valid reason for that argument. And maybe I have research studies, and doctors and specialists, and big stars like Oprah doing specials on why every child should have a pony for their first birthday.
But.....what if you didn't want your kid to have a pony? What if you lived in an apartment, and having a pony would be too messy, or too loud, or your landlord wouldn't approve? What if you couldn't afford to pay to feed that pony? What if you felt really strongly about the fact that they absolutely HAD to have a certain amount of space to run around and play, and you didn't have that space? What if you had been kicked by a pony as a kid yourself, and the idea of having a pony sends you into a panic attack?
What if having a pony isn't right for you, or for your family? And so, you decided to sit down, and think about it, maybe do some research, maybe ask friends with older kids what they did about having a pony....and even though most of them loved it, or was happy to have made the decision to have a pony...what if it still wasn't right for you, and your family?
Should you get a pony?
Let me answer that for you - NO. We like to sit here, and assume, that issues that we find important to us, are important at the same level for everyone. Or important for the same reasons. Or that logistically it's something that everyone can do. Or that we all agree on the data, and what the specialists and the doctors say.
Truth is, we don't.
But, we all have the CHOICE to have a pony for our one-year-old. We all have the RIGHT to make the decision on whether or not we get one. We all have the ability to do our own research and DAMN IT we have the right to come up with a different answer for our family.
And ya know what? That really important thing, that I asked you to think of earlier? Someone has the right to make a choice that doesn't fit inside your decision on that too.
Or maybe (and I'm just gonna get crazy here)....they don't place it at the same level of importance as you, and they decide to have a different opinion.
I really hate to burst anyone's bubble here, but your opinion may not be right for everyone. And their opinion may not be wrong for everyone. What is important, is that they assessed their needs, as an individual and as a family, and made a decision.
Just like you want to be able to do for your child.
This of course brings us to another place - there are things that are somewhat irrefutable.Think back again to your hot button parenting topic. Think about all of the research and information you utilized to make that decision. Or, think about what you WISH you had known then, and most certainly do now.
Now, let's pretend that your best friend, your brother or sister, your son or daughter - let's pretend that they don't think it's as important as you do. Or, they plan on doing the opposite of what you think is right. Hmmmm. They must not know the things I know. Or, they must not care about their baby like I care about mine. Or, they just need to get ed-ju-macated.
As a doula, I work with new parents, and sometimes not new parents in making those decisions. We talk beforehand about breastfeeding, and circumcision, and co-sleeping, and vaccinating, and interventions during labor and birth, and everything else you can think of that falls within my time frame that I serve this family. But ya know how I begin every single one of those conversations? Like this -
"You know you're having a boy. You're going to be asked about circumcision by the staff, do you know what you want to do? And, would you like any more information on that?"
I'm not going to sit there and jam my opinion down your throat. EVEN, if I think it's the most righty-right-correct-and-you-are-so-wrong opinion of all times. Because I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. I wouldn't. I would want to know I could get an opinion and information if I wanted to, or was ready. I would want to know that I HAD an option. I would want to know that I could talk about it after I had thought more on it. I would want - TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE A CHOICE.
This was my status update, and I think it wraps up how I feel about this -
COME ON PEOPLE. We all want the right to say what we want. We all want the right to decide what is important to us, and to our families. And by asking for that right, and demanding it - we must appreciate the differences and rights of other people to have the same opinion that we so desperately want to protect. Because - you're shoes don't fit everyone. And instead of TELLING everyone why you're right, maybe you should shut up, LISTEN to what they are saying, and learn a thing or two about individuality and the right to make choices for yourself. I don't even care if you offer to give them more information, but remember, they have the right to say no.
And, not everyone wants a fucking pony. So please, get over it.
Let's say, I believe that every child, everywhere, should have a pony for their first birthday. And I have all kinds of important and valid reason for that argument. And maybe I have research studies, and doctors and specialists, and big stars like Oprah doing specials on why every child should have a pony for their first birthday.
But.....what if you didn't want your kid to have a pony? What if you lived in an apartment, and having a pony would be too messy, or too loud, or your landlord wouldn't approve? What if you couldn't afford to pay to feed that pony? What if you felt really strongly about the fact that they absolutely HAD to have a certain amount of space to run around and play, and you didn't have that space? What if you had been kicked by a pony as a kid yourself, and the idea of having a pony sends you into a panic attack?
What if having a pony isn't right for you, or for your family? And so, you decided to sit down, and think about it, maybe do some research, maybe ask friends with older kids what they did about having a pony....and even though most of them loved it, or was happy to have made the decision to have a pony...what if it still wasn't right for you, and your family?
Should you get a pony?
Let me answer that for you - NO. We like to sit here, and assume, that issues that we find important to us, are important at the same level for everyone. Or important for the same reasons. Or that logistically it's something that everyone can do. Or that we all agree on the data, and what the specialists and the doctors say.
Truth is, we don't.
But, we all have the CHOICE to have a pony for our one-year-old. We all have the RIGHT to make the decision on whether or not we get one. We all have the ability to do our own research and DAMN IT we have the right to come up with a different answer for our family.
And ya know what? That really important thing, that I asked you to think of earlier? Someone has the right to make a choice that doesn't fit inside your decision on that too.
Or maybe (and I'm just gonna get crazy here)....they don't place it at the same level of importance as you, and they decide to have a different opinion.
I really hate to burst anyone's bubble here, but your opinion may not be right for everyone. And their opinion may not be wrong for everyone. What is important, is that they assessed their needs, as an individual and as a family, and made a decision.
Just like you want to be able to do for your child.
This of course brings us to another place - there are things that are somewhat irrefutable.Think back again to your hot button parenting topic. Think about all of the research and information you utilized to make that decision. Or, think about what you WISH you had known then, and most certainly do now.
Now, let's pretend that your best friend, your brother or sister, your son or daughter - let's pretend that they don't think it's as important as you do. Or, they plan on doing the opposite of what you think is right. Hmmmm. They must not know the things I know. Or, they must not care about their baby like I care about mine. Or, they just need to get ed-ju-macated.
As a doula, I work with new parents, and sometimes not new parents in making those decisions. We talk beforehand about breastfeeding, and circumcision, and co-sleeping, and vaccinating, and interventions during labor and birth, and everything else you can think of that falls within my time frame that I serve this family. But ya know how I begin every single one of those conversations? Like this -
"You know you're having a boy. You're going to be asked about circumcision by the staff, do you know what you want to do? And, would you like any more information on that?"
I'm not going to sit there and jam my opinion down your throat. EVEN, if I think it's the most righty-right-correct-and-you-are-so-wrong opinion of all times. Because I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. I wouldn't. I would want to know I could get an opinion and information if I wanted to, or was ready. I would want to know that I HAD an option. I would want to know that I could talk about it after I had thought more on it. I would want - TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE A CHOICE.
This was my status update, and I think it wraps up how I feel about this -
I get so frustrated with this - if you want the ability to hold a strong opinion about something regarding the care and raising of your child (breastfeeding, co-sleeping, vax, circumcision) THEN YOU MUST AFFORD OTHER PARENTS THAT SAME RIGHT EVEN IF IT DOESN'T AGREE WITH YOUR OPINION. It is such a double standard. All we can do, if we are to do anything at all, is to educate, advocate, and allow parents to come to their own decisions. Jamming your opinion down my throat won't make make it my opinion.Taking away a parents right to make decisions on behalf of their own child leaves us with the thought - then who ultimately gets to make that decision? Do we want the government to decide? Are you going to decide what is absolutely positively right for every child? And....what if you're wrong? Or what about the people who slip through the cracks? Or what about these people -
- Every time I breastfeed my baby I want to grab her off my breast and throw her across the room. Maybe it has to do with some sexual trauma I experienced as a kid. All I know is that if I keep breastfeeding her, I might hurt myself or the baby.
- I really want to co-sleep, but my husband is a large guy who is VERY hard to wake up. I know it's supposed to decrease the risk for SIDS, so I guess I'll just have to hope that he doesn't roll over on the baby and suffocate him to death. Maybe I'll stay up all night and watch, just to be sure.
- I know vaccinations aren't always cut and dry. And even though our family travels outside the country, my stance on no-vaccinating is so strong that I don't even think I will worry about those. I'll just try to look for and avoid all of the things we vaccinate for that actually still DO exist in other countries, even though we aren't blessed to have them here.
- I want to circumcise my son, I am Jewish. But, you didn't circumcise your kid and told me it was a bad awful thing to do. And ya know, my friends and family will look down upon us if we don't. And while that seems like a righteous price to pay for protecting the foreskin that I don't actually have a big opinion (guess what, it's not important to everyone...), I guess I'll just have to deal with the lack of support and friends right after my baby has been born because you said I would be a bad mother if I circumcised my son. Oh, and fuck my faith as a decision making tool, btw. That's something only crazy people do.
COME ON PEOPLE. We all want the right to say what we want. We all want the right to decide what is important to us, and to our families. And by asking for that right, and demanding it - we must appreciate the differences and rights of other people to have the same opinion that we so desperately want to protect. Because - you're shoes don't fit everyone. And instead of TELLING everyone why you're right, maybe you should shut up, LISTEN to what they are saying, and learn a thing or two about individuality and the right to make choices for yourself. I don't even care if you offer to give them more information, but remember, they have the right to say no.
And, not everyone wants a fucking pony. So please, get over it.
Aug 29, 2011
Black as my Soul Tilapia
Yum. Be jealous. I had Blackened Tilapia, Roasted Potatoes and Baby Portabella Mushrooms for dinner. Want the recipe? I know you do.
How to make it
And then, ya know - Baby Portabellas. Again. I know. You can be jealous. I will say - the cast iron skillet is vital to the fish. If you don't have one.....well get one. Not just for this recipe, there are SO many reasons to own a good, heavy bottom, cast iron skillet. Sometimes if you are lucky you can run across them at Goodwill.
I'm also pretty much exclusively using coconut oil for cooking now. I just love this stuff. The research on saturated fats just doesn't work out the way 'They' would like us to believe. Take the time to read it. And using something like corn/vegetable oil? Think about how much WORK has to go into making that. How much work do you think your body has to do to digest that? No thanks!
Mwah! Happy cooking.
Blackened Tilapia 
- 4-6 Tilapia
- 2 T Paprika
- 2 t Salt (or to taste)
- 2 t Lemon Pepper
- 1-1/2 t Garlic Powder
- 1-1/2 t Ground Red Pepper
- 1-1/2 t Dried, Crushed Basil
- 1 t Onion Powder
- 1 t Dried Thyme
- 1 C unsalted butter, melted
How to make it
- Heat iron skillet on high 5 minutes.
- Mix all seasonings in a bowl.
- Dip fillets in melted butter and coat with seasonings. (I drizzle the spices on each piece of fish to get an even coating. Don't be afraid to coat heavily)!!
- Place fillets in hot skillet and cook 2 minutes on each side.
- Makes 4 servings.
- Enjoy!!!
And then, ya know - Baby Portabellas. Again. I know. You can be jealous. I will say - the cast iron skillet is vital to the fish. If you don't have one.....well get one. Not just for this recipe, there are SO many reasons to own a good, heavy bottom, cast iron skillet. Sometimes if you are lucky you can run across them at Goodwill.
I'm also pretty much exclusively using coconut oil for cooking now. I just love this stuff. The research on saturated fats just doesn't work out the way 'They' would like us to believe. Take the time to read it. And using something like corn/vegetable oil? Think about how much WORK has to go into making that. How much work do you think your body has to do to digest that? No thanks!
Mwah! Happy cooking.
Aug 27, 2011
When everything seems uncertain....
You can come home and make delicious Vegetarian Enchiladas.
I have this awesome friend that I go to nursing school with, and this is her recipe. I ran across it the other day while cleaning out my inbox (I had asked her for it) and decided that I MUST make it. Try it. Trust me, you won't be disappointed. I am going to simply copy and paste her email in (and add a few notes of my own).
Filling:
One large white onion, chopped (next time, if only for color, I will use a purple onion)
Two sweet peppers (yellow, red or orange), chopped (a green one would add even more color)
8 oz box of cherry tomatoes, cut in half
One can of black beans (drained and well rinsed)
Half of 8 oz bag of cheddar (you will use the second half on top)
Taco seasoning to taste (I used about half of packet of taco seasoning)
8 Burrito sized tortillas
--
Saute the onions and peppers until just tender (still slightly crunchy) and then mix together in a big bowl with the rest of the ingredients. (I used coconut oil, about a T to saute the veggies)
Fill eight tortillas, roll up tight and place them in a 9x13 baking dish. Cover with an entire jar of Frontera enchilada sauce (Frontera sauce really makes a huge difference ... it's the tastiest and everything else tastes like butt compared to it, in my opinion). Sprinkle the remaining half of the bag of cheddar on top. Bake at 375 for 30 minutes, and you're done.
I completely agree with her notes on the Frontera Sauce. Unless you have another favorite, you should really try that one. I choose to only make 6 of them, and reserve the remaining filling to put into a Quesadilla the next day. They. Are. AMAZING. I serve them on top of a bed of lettuce with some sour cream. If you are trying to stick to a slimmer amount of calories, you could do them in smaller tortillas, you could use 2% cheese, and I used about a tablespoon of coconut oil to saute the veggies in, you could either use less, or use something a bit lighter. You could serve a decent size salad and you'd be good.
Because I know that I would be curious - here is the nutritional info. I don't have an after picture. They were gone before I could get the camera out.
I have this awesome friend that I go to nursing school with, and this is her recipe. I ran across it the other day while cleaning out my inbox (I had asked her for it) and decided that I MUST make it. Try it. Trust me, you won't be disappointed. I am going to simply copy and paste her email in (and add a few notes of my own).
Filling:
One large white onion, chopped (next time, if only for color, I will use a purple onion)
Two sweet peppers (yellow, red or orange), chopped (a green one would add even more color)
8 oz box of cherry tomatoes, cut in half
One can of black beans (drained and well rinsed)
Half of 8 oz bag of cheddar (you will use the second half on top)
Taco seasoning to taste (I used about half of packet of taco seasoning)
8 Burrito sized tortillas
--
Saute the onions and peppers until just tender (still slightly crunchy) and then mix together in a big bowl with the rest of the ingredients. (I used coconut oil, about a T to saute the veggies)
Fill eight tortillas, roll up tight and place them in a 9x13 baking dish. Cover with an entire jar of Frontera enchilada sauce (Frontera sauce really makes a huge difference ... it's the tastiest and everything else tastes like butt compared to it, in my opinion). Sprinkle the remaining half of the bag of cheddar on top. Bake at 375 for 30 minutes, and you're done.
I completely agree with her notes on the Frontera Sauce. Unless you have another favorite, you should really try that one. I choose to only make 6 of them, and reserve the remaining filling to put into a Quesadilla the next day. They. Are. AMAZING. I serve them on top of a bed of lettuce with some sour cream. If you are trying to stick to a slimmer amount of calories, you could do them in smaller tortillas, you could use 2% cheese, and I used about a tablespoon of coconut oil to saute the veggies in, you could either use less, or use something a bit lighter. You could serve a decent size salad and you'd be good.
Because I know that I would be curious - here is the nutritional info. I don't have an after picture. They were gone before I could get the camera out.
| Calories | 375.1 | |
 | ||
| Total Fat | 14.9 g | |
| ||
| Saturated Fat | 8.5 g | |
| ||
| Polyunsaturated Fat | 0.4 g | |
| ||
| Monounsaturated Fat | 2.8 g | |
| ||
| Cholesterol | 29.8 mg | |
| ||
| Sodium | 826.4 mg | |
| ||
| Potassium | 336.5 mg | |
| ||
| Total Carbohydrate | 44.5 g | |
| ||
| Dietary Fiber | 6.5 g | |
| ||
| Sugars | 3.3 g | |
| ||
| Protein | 16.5 g | |
Aug 14, 2011
Hard Week
Lots of .... stuff happened this week. And, at the same time, nothing happened at all.
The Rose has been with her Daddy for the last 10 days. It's been hard to say the least. If you noticed me online a lot more than usual, well that would be why. I knew it wasn't going to be fun, but it was REALLY hard. I missed her. She apparently, gives me a reason to kinda get up and out of bed. And change clothes. Which explains why I haven't really left the house too much, LOL!
The other major reason would have to be because it's my finals week. Lots of studying. But not enough. I got sucked into too many....shall we say side projects? I spent way too much time indulging in the solitude, and not enough time cracking the books. We'll see how my grades reflect.
I cleaned, I made a mess, then I cleaned again. I made a youtube play list. Eh. It happened. And it's about 20 minutes from being over. Then - we head to Michigan for a week. And I am leaping out of my skin excited.
The Rose has been with her Daddy for the last 10 days. It's been hard to say the least. If you noticed me online a lot more than usual, well that would be why. I knew it wasn't going to be fun, but it was REALLY hard. I missed her. She apparently, gives me a reason to kinda get up and out of bed. And change clothes. Which explains why I haven't really left the house too much, LOL!
The other major reason would have to be because it's my finals week. Lots of studying. But not enough. I got sucked into too many....shall we say side projects? I spent way too much time indulging in the solitude, and not enough time cracking the books. We'll see how my grades reflect.
I cleaned, I made a mess, then I cleaned again. I made a youtube play list. Eh. It happened. And it's about 20 minutes from being over. Then - we head to Michigan for a week. And I am leaping out of my skin excited.
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