Apr 10, 2011

A little background.

So, this whole Single Mom gig is very new. My husband and I separated in January. Over the last couple of months I have discovered some truly horrific things about the life I was supposedly living, and the only reason I am sharing them now is because there will likely be discussions about my divorce. And hey, background information always helps to round out the bigger picture.

Since I am a big fan of lists - here we go.

1) My husband asked me for the divorce....because he was dating someone else. He apparently did that quite a lot. Over the course of our 9 year marriage, he cheated with approximately 10 different women.

2) After informing me of said desire to part ways, he told me that my daughter and I were not allowed to live at the house, because he wanted it. I asked if we could stay through the weekend so that I could find somewhere for us to go and he said no. Now I did ask if during that weekend that he not be there, I figured he could go stay with his girlfriend, or his Mother, or any number of other family members that he has (and I don't - I have no family here). He wouldn't have that, so we had to leave town to go to my Mother's house with whatever I could squeeze into the minivan she came and saved me in.

3) We had some major custody battles, and finally have a schedule sorted out. It isn't without problems, and I am still battling the fact that he moved his girlfriend into our home almost immediately. He denies this, but it's sorta hard to say that she isn't when she is always there, sleeps there all the time, and leaves her stuff all over the place.

4) The rest is sorta private. At least for the purposes of this blog. But, let's just say, that this is the tip of iceberg.

So, what's a girl to do? Continue on with nursing school, graduate, and move on. Simple as that? Well of course not! The trials and tribulations of maneuvering a divorce are much more complicated than that. Not only that, but what ABOUT being a Single Mom? There are so many nuances to this new role that I never considered. And then there are the obvious ones - like Mama's got needs, or how do I pay the bills?

It's an interesting journey, but not one I would wish on my worst enemy. It's hard, and horrible, and yet it has been such a wonderfully liberating experience too. Truth be told, I wasn't happy. But I was loyal, loving and devoted. Having the wool pulled over your eyes for 10 years makes you re-evaluate yourself, and everything you have spent a decade committing yourself to. The one thing that I can be sure of is this - it might take two to be in a relationship, and two to mess it up, but that doesn't mean the ratio on that equation is 50:50. I have had to take a long hard look at my life, my marriage, my separation, and my role in all of that, and I am 100% comfortable saying that I was merely a spectator in the dissolution of my marriage. My husband led a double life and apparently for a few years a triple life (3 of us at the same time! Awesome!). And it hurts. A lot. But those are emotions best saved for a different post, on another day. 

So for today, I think that's enough baring of the ol' soul. I'm feeling a bit naked. It's hawt, I know. ;)

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